Work, Clients and Coffee
by OverMyShoulder
Summary: WAS  just a little C and S fic now turning into something a little bigger, includes Amira, a lost Syed, a lost Christian, a wee child and some very broken and damaged lives. Crap summary but i don't wanna give spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N hello anyone reading this, thank you so much for reading, please review! I know it's not the best but it's my first fic so take it easy :L don't worry I'm good with constructive criticism! It's just a little Chryed story, takes place 3 years after they get together but they're still in Christian's flat :) thank you! :) JCxxx * I think theses get called 'domestic fics'***

**/ I have updated this chapter and made a very small change, instead of having no orange juice they now have no coffee and have to drink tea, which is very un-chryed in my opinion, (:L) So nothing very interesting but I thought I'd tell you all anyway /**

"Chris-t-ian!" Syed wined.

"What?" He replied from the bed, his head propped up by his hand. He was unable to help his eyes from glowing as they ran up and down Syed's naked body.

"We've got no coffee.. Or shirts!" turning to glace at Christian he noticed the how dark his eyes were, he pulled on jeans self-conscious.

His arm dropped and he thudded down onto the bed, "Ugh, sorry Sy… you've just been keeping me a little busy that's all, it's not my fault it's so tempting." He smiled seductively.

Syed knew what he wanted.

"No, Christian." He felt his lips curve as he turned to make the tea- the only thing they had enough left off to drink, "where are you putting all our food? I've been to the Minute Mart so much Patrick is sick of me!" he was hopelessly trying to change the subject, or to put Christian off.

He turned after feeling Christian being there, behind him, but he hadn't realised just how close he was - his breath quickly turned more ragged as he began to react to his lover's body pressing up against him.

"Come back to bed Syed." He whispered his breath washing over Syed face making it hard for him to focus on anything but Christian's body heat engulfing him in their own little bubble. Their own private world that no-one could break into. The happiest time of their lives, when they were together.

Syed could still remember when he had thought they were wrong. When he had tried to cure himself, when Allen his therapist had told him that in order to get over Christian he would have to make love to another man. In Allen's point of view, Syed needn't look any further than Allen himself and that was when, repulsed, Syed rushed out the room with no plans to return.

"Christian…" Syed moaned he tried to shove himself away from Christian's grasp thinking hard about work and how late he'd be if he let his boyfriend get his way, he failed only making the arms around him crush tighter together, "how can you still want sex?" he turned in Christian's embrace back to the tea, "you succeeded in making sure I got absolutely no sleep at all last night." He could feel Christian kissing lightly at his neck.

"I didn't hear you complaining, not once Syed Masood." He slowly moved his hands down to his boyfriends belt and began to undo it pulling him away from the mugs of tea and into the bedroom, "We don't even drink tea Sy. So be good, and come with me…"

Syed groaned inwardly wanting so badly to let Christians hand remain pulling him onto the bed but he knew even then, work would still be waiting, and Christian's first client was at 9 and if he got his way, he knew that this client would be cancelled and Syed would find himself calling in sick for the third day in a row.

It was a few minutes before Syed realised Christian had simply been staring at him lying naked beside him in the bed. He looked up it to his lovers deep emerald eyes, entwining their legs as he did, "I love you Christian," he said, "and because you love me too your going to stop trying to seduce me-"

"Not trying; I'm winning here Syed and you know it. I have seduced you." he corrected.

He continued ignoring his partners interruption, "because you love me, you're not going to let me get into trouble with the boss-" he was silence with a long passionate kiss which stopped him even trying to struggle away from the man sharing his bed.

Christian was happy with the way his life was going; he was now able to wake up to the most beautiful thing his eyes had ever laid eyes on sleeping next to him. He had really never loved anything more than he loved Syed. He didn't think anyone could. After everything they had been through together he knew it had all been worth it, but what was best was that he knew Syed thought so too. He told him, which had been a big stepping stone in their relationship, after 3 years they knew everything about each together and Syed was even willing to display many, many public affections. They had gone through many fights and lots of tears to get there but in the end it had all worked out. Two half's became a whole.

"I love you Sy." He murmured against his lips.

Syed re-opened his eyelids and his breath caught in his throat fr the second time as he caught a glimpse of his entire world and its deep beauty.

His love for this man was beyond what he ever could have dreamed his heart to be capable of. He smiled contently to himself and was unable to resist kissing the magnificence that was Christian Clarke, he wrapped his hands around Christians neck gently stroking his ears. He decided with all the self control he could muster at one final try of getting to work, he began his sentence again for the third time, "because you love me, you won't let Mr O'Connell shout at me for being late."

Christian pouted, "I think I'd be able to deal with him, if you got into too much trouble." He crushed his lips down onto Syed his hands creating a cage he could never escape from, and soon enough, Syed gave up and he was all his.

He repeated his affectionate words again, "I love you Sy."

The reply he got was one that made his heart thump and his stomach flip, "I love you too Clarkey. Marry me?"

**Thanks! Please Review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Hello Christian," said Jane as she finally picked up the phone, "I can't talk now I'm working! Call me back please!"

"Jane it's important," Christian could barely hold in his excitement, but he had to wait till they were face-to-face, "Please I've got news…"

"Please just tell me now then," she moaned.

"Can't, I want to see you reaction!" he teased, "I'll come to the café."

"Okay well hurry up," Jane was a little surprised at her brother enthusiasm, "You're getting me excited."

"Bye sis," Christian grinned as he hung up.

He turned to see, as if on cue, Syed coming out the bathroom, "Hello gorgeous how was your shower?"

Syed smiled to himself, "Good," Christian tightly hugged him; Syed could tell how excited he was about telling everyone, "Oi, I need to breath! Where are you going?" he added as Christian pulled on his jacket.

"I'm off to the café got to tell Jane the big news, you should come too Sy!" He walked over to the door leading the way for Syed to follow.

"Christian, I'm wearing a towel only!" he laughed looking down at the soft white material wrapped around his waist.

His lover swiftly made his way back over to him pecking his lips as their bodies merged together once again, "Yeah, you're right, don't want the whole square seeing what their missing out on do we?"

"Course not, or I might just decide one of them might just be a little bit better than you!"

Christian growled and plonked Syed on the bed, "Like you could ever find anyone better than me Mr Masood."

"That's Mr Clarke now." He smiled, "Or maybe.. Nah, Clarke-Masood is too much of a mouthful."

Christian laughed using all the self control he had to move from Syed back to the door, "Anyway, got to tell Jane, and, to be honest, the rest of the square!"

Syed face stiffened, the time had finally come for him to ask Christian the question that had kept him up all night, "What do we tell my parents?"

Christian sighed, crossing the room again to be with Syed, he sat next to him on the bed wrapping his arms around his younger lover, he'd tried thinking this through but the best he came up with was just telling them.

"We could just tell them?"

Syed laughed, "What and let my mother slap us? No, that won't work."

Rubbing Syed back soothingly Christian thought of an upside to telling them, "Maybe then they would see there was no going back, that this isn't a silly phase, that I've not twisted your mind in a sick, perverted way," his voiced turned bitter as he remembered Zainab's harsh words, "Also that we're more that just…"

"Gays?" Syed offered.

"Yeah," Syed began to play with his boyfriends fingers as Christian let his head fall lightly on to Syed's, "Maybe then they'll understand or try to at least."

Syed sniffed, trying not to cry with hopelessness, he looked up at Christian with watery eyes, "I doubt it, Christian it's been 3 years- although it seems only a month- I don't think they're going to accept me now." There was silence for a while as the two men sat beside each other lost in their own private thoughts, Suddenly Syed smiled as a thought struck him, "Tambo! We must invite Tam."

Christians face lit up and he looked down at Syed, "We couldn't not invite little _Tambo_!" he grinned taking the mick, Syed smacked his arm playfully, "Oh and Kamil too!"

Syed laughed and the phone rang making both men jump slightly, "Twill be Jane, wondering where I am." He thought aloud, "Best be off, can't keep her waiting too long."

As soon as the phone was picked up you could hear Jane's voice, "Hello? CHRISTIAN! How dare you keep me waiting, you know a woman get very curious when…" Christian rolled his eyes and as Syed kissed him he padded towards his green t-shirt which had been discarded late last that night as the pair had made their way to the bedroom...


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, part 3 has been added :) **

**I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this, I've been give suggestions from friends and I'm not sure weather to make it a fun and fluffy fic or a serious but still quite light fic, so if you have any preferences just send me a PM. Either way, it's not going to be all smiled faces for Chryed, no matter what they'll face some hurdles as some point... After all, they live in Albert Square!**

** I have an idea and I think I'll just continue writing and see where the mood takes me until it fits (but I wont let the story get boring.. I hope :L)...**

"Ssssyyyyyyyeeeeedddddd!" Roxy yelled as she bounded through Christians, no _their_, front door, "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Christians hung over!" he commented.

"Really? He didn't have that much to drink last night, or at least not by his standards!"

Roxy and Syed had been getting along quite well, except for the fact that Syed had never been very fond of Roxy and Christians parting habit.

"Did you have a good time? Christian never exactly answered…" Syed smiled.

"Um yeah, some crazy guy came up to me with this jacket and-" She was cut off.

"Uh, my head is pounding," Christian sleepily emerged from the bedroom, "Sy where is the coffee, do we need- oh hey Rox, how long you been here for?"

"Not long babe, in fact I'm only passing by to give you this," she handed over a jacket, "this really fit guy told me it was yours, didn't reckon it was though. I mean since when did you wear tweed?"

Christian's cute face was showing a horrified and confused expression; it was so adorable that Syed couldn't stop his lips from locking themselves tightly to Christians in a loving encounter. They pulled apart only when Roxy cleared her throat, "OK well, congrats again on the engagement and I'll see you soon."

"You don't have to go; we've got plenty of... No wait," Syed started raiding the cupboards, "Ah sorry, we've got no coffee…_Again. _Christian stop getting so distracted in the shop and buy what I write on the list!"

His mouth dropped open, "Well if you would actually write the right-"

"I'm going to leave you two to your pointless fight and go." She laughed.

"Bye then babe!" Christian kissed her on the cheek as she left, "Oi, you." he called as grabbing Syed as he crossed to go to the bathroom, they both felt the electrical charge that flowed between them the moment Christians hand was on Syed wrist, "I wanna word with you," He pulled Syed over to the sofa where he grabbed a pair of jeans from the pile of dirty washing and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, "here.. It's the shopping list," he held it out.

Syed read, "Milk, bread, orange juice, cheese, spatula? Why do we need one of them?"

"You wrote it Sy!"

"Um, anyway, tea bags, carrots, potatoes, pasta, pasta sauce, apples…" he continued reading the large shopping list he had written out, "_shoe polish?_"

"Yeah I wondered too, were you suffering from a momentary mental disease when you wrote this?"

"No, maybe it was sleep deprivation seeing as you keep me up all night!" he poked Christian in the stomach.

"You love it really."

"You know, Christian, sometimes relationships can be more than just sex."

"People that take part in those kind of relationships get called nuns." Christian laughed and Syed didn't reply. He wasn't amused. Christian looked at him like he was insane, "Are you seriously trying to say we shouldn't have sex?"

Syed laughed at Christians shock, "No, you would hate me so much if I did that to you, no, I'm just saying maybe not all night!"

Christian's eyes widened, "But Syed, that's what nights are for!"

"Oh yeah, and getting drunk and going clubbing! Now, stop trying to wind me up and get the coffee," he smiled, and looked back down at the shopping list, "It is here you know."

Christian changed tactic, "Darn, must have missed it." Christian's arms slid round Syed and he began kissing in between his shoulder blades seductively, "see as I walked around Sainsbury's, Sy, I was thinking of you, and now I'm thinking of you again...and," he began licking Syed ear, "Well.." Syed was trying hard not to give in and let Christian have him, "If we don't do _it _at night," he stopped his teasing and moved his lips to whisper in his fiancé's ear, "When will we do it Sy?"

"Oh for goodness sake Christian." Syed growled.

He turned and began tearing at Christians clothes, Christian had won again.

* * *

"TAMWARRR!" Zainab shouted, "WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Mum, keep it down, I'm here."

"Right, I want you to look after Kamil today, your father and I are going out and your brother will need fed and washed. Can you do that?"

"I'm, busy! I have got a life you know."

Zainab's eyebrows shot up in surprise then suddenly as though a thought struck her like lightning her face changed and she smiled knowingly, "Have you met someone? Aw, my little boy has finally got a girlfriend," she hugged him tightly, "I'm so proud of you Tamwar!"

He stepped away from her embrace, "I'm not the first, mum. Syed did have a girlfriend you know, yeah remember Syed, my brother?"

"I'm sorry I don't know who your talking about. You have one brother, Kamil, you're a baby brother." She awkwardly turned to the ironing board, "who needs fed and I want you to do it."

"No mum!"

"Tamwar," Masood said, "Do as your mother tells you."

Tamwar gave up with out much of a fight, "Fine, I'll stay," then he decided to defend his corner slightly, "I mean its not like I matter is it?"

"Tamwar." Masood warned, looking up from his paper, "Cut out the attitude."

Tam's hands flew up to either side of his head in surrender and he left the room mumbling, "I said I'd do it."

Once he was safely in his room he brought out his phone, "Syed?"

"Na, Sy's out, what can I do for you Tamwar?" Christian answered.

"Oh it's just Syed wanted me to visit but I've got to look after Kamil," He explained, "Tell Syed I'm sorry."

"You can tell him yourself, just popped in the door right now. Ahh, he's been shopping! Here he is."

Tam heard the phone being shifted from hand to hand then Syed voice, "Hey Tambo! How are you?"

"Good, um, I can't come today cause mum and dad want me to baby-sit Kamil all day even though they are only going out for lunch. They have kept me in all this week I'm beginning to forget what the square looks like!"

Syed had an awful feeling Tamwar being kept away from everyone in the square might have something to do with Christian and himself getting engaged, this meant his parents knew, he had to tell Tamwar, "Did you say you had Kamil? .. Well um…you could.. Hold on." Syed stuttered, the phone was juggled about a bit and Tamwar could heard the murmuring of Syed's voice then the boom of Christian replying, he couldn't heard what they were saying but when Syed came back on the line it was explained, "Would you like to bring Kamil here?" there was a silence as Tam thought, "Tam you there?"

"Um yeah, I was just thinking…" he said.

"If you don't want to its fine, just I need to tell you something before you find out from someone in the square."

What you Syed want to tell him so badly, Tam thought, maybe he could go. He didn't have to tell their parents Kamil had been visiting his other brother, and both Syed and Christian were great with kids, so why deprived himself of this visit? "Sure, I'll come."

"Great, you could come now or later, I'm in all day."

"I'll come over now. Bye"

"Bye Tambo." Syed put down the phone with a smile, "Christian! Kamil and Tam are coming over!"

**Thanks you lovely ****Chryedians**! :Dxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Part four...*I will be making changes to this chapter because I was finding it hard to write Tamwar correctly, so beware he's not very Tambo-ish in this :O***

"Hiya Tamwar!" Christian opened the door to a glasses-less 22 year old and a cute toddler, "Nice, the girls will love you like that Tam!"

"Huh? Oh the contacts, yeah I'm trying these out for a bit."

"Tambo!" Syed shouted, "Kambo! Wow isn't this great, Tambo and Kambo!"

"Tamwar, um, come in," Christian guided, "Sorry about Sy I think he's a bit under the weather."

"No I'm just not getting enough sleep because someone wants something else." He grumbled.

_Too much information_, Tamwar thought, he really didn't want to go into the details of his older brothers sex life, _I'm still getting used to the kissing._

"Tam do you want any…Syyyyyy, babe there's no coffee!" Christian said, the couple could almost say this backwards. After three years of living together there hadn't been at least one week with out 'we've run our of coffee,' or 'we've got no coffee' or even 'get your fit arse out the door and buy me some coffee' being shouted 10 times. The latter being more commonly yelled by Christian.

"What? Didn't you get some after Roxy left and we had the fight about the shopping list- which by the way, Tamwar, I won?"

"Actually you didn't because we never finished it cause, um.. Things got busy," Syed's face flushed as his fiancé said this in front of his younger brothers, "Anyway," Christian swiftly moved on saving Syed, "I thought _you_ were getting some when _you_ went _shopping_."

"No because I thought you got some after Roxy left and…" he trailed off hoping somehow Christian would help him again, instead Christian made it worse and much more embarrassing.

"Ah yeah, when that whole bed thing happened! Nope, sorry Syed, I was occupied in another way." He pecked Syed cheekily on the lips.

"OK, why don't we not have coffee?" Tamwar awkwardly asked, "Syed what did you buy?" changing the subject always worked with Syed.

Syed was about to answer when Christian cut across him, "Look, we need coffee anyway; in fact, I'm going to by a life time supply of it so I don't have to hear your bloody brother banging on about it. I'll go now."

"Hey you drink it Christian!" Syed defended, "Do you even want coffee Tambo?"

"Look, Syed, if it's going to cause problems no but, I mean, you said you wanted to tell me something so can you tell me?" Tamwar waved his hands around like a lunatic as he said this.

"Um yeah," Syed sat down, Christian came over forgetting about he coffee and squeezed his had under the table, "Well I want to tell you this myself and it's going to be quite hard cause of mum and dad but they know already I think- this might be why they don't want you in the square- because they don't want you do know about me and Christian because we are…Engaged."

"W-what?" Tamwar smiled, "Really? Since when?"

"Friday last week," Christian stated proudly.

"Tam," Syed whispered nervously, "Will you come?"

Tamwar's smile slowly faded, "Syed I… What about dad? I-I mean he'd flip! But Syed I want to, I mean, maybe if we invited them… I still talk about you everyday and I think mum might break soon maybe if we invited them… Kamil wouldn't say no!"

"That's exactly what he said," Syed pointed to Christian with an affectionate glace.

"I will speak to our parents about this," Tamwar began

"No Tambo, I don't want you getting in trouble over me, how many times have I told you that? I made this choice our parents don't like _me _for it, you can still make them proud, and I'm sure you'll get a girlfriend soon, so you'll be the one planning a wedding! Christian and I are happy knowing you accept us- don't be another failure to our family by sticking up for me. Please Tamwar?"

As he though there was a silence, Syed and Christian were waiting. "Fine, its not like I can actually do anything about it is it?"

"Sorry, and thanks, Tamwar, I know how much it means to Sy for you to be here. Nothing will ever change how much we appreciate it- so please don't try and help us by fighting with Zainab and Masood."

"I know Christian but I don't like the way they can still ignore you and pretend Syed is dead. It's not fair. I'm going to try getting to the wedding with no fights."

Syed smiled, "Really? What will you tell them?"

"I don't know, but I'll be there. Promise."

They chatted for a while until Kamil started howling about how bored he was, so Tam took him over to the sofa to watch some TV.

"Anyway," Tamwar called, "Congratulations, hope it all goes well, but um, what are you doing for vows?"

Syed looked up at Christian thinking, "I'm not sure," he paused, "I guess just what ever Christian wants and our Muslim ones, I don't have a clue who would pronounce them though…"

"Sy," Christian rested his head against his fiancé's shoulder and affectionately kissed his cheek, "It's what ever you want." This was loud enough for Tam to hear so Christian lowered his voice when he growled, "So long as I get my way on the honeymoon."

Syed smiled again, "Course, we don't even have to step outside!"

Tamwar was, luckily, too busy watching Jim Jam and Sunny with Kamil to notice his other brother and Christian making out. By the time Kamil had settled the couple were rapidly making tea and producing biscuits- Christian laughing at the amount of custard creams Syed bought.

As he watched, Tamwar marvelled over how happy his brother was- he was glad Syed had found Christian even though it had caused much upset. It was moments like these when he knew it was worth it, fighting with his parents every single day, to see his brother this happy.

Tamwar had got to know Christian a lot better since Amira left and he was really quite a nice guy. He liked people to be honest so Tam couldn't understand why on earth he would want to be with Syed. And Christian liked to party and have a 'good time' which was the total opposite of Syed, who besides not drinking, would rather not stay up all right. But the most important thing about Christian was that he was unbelievably, utterly and completely in love with his 'Sy'.

No matter what his parents say, Syed would always be Tam's brother.

**:D Enjoying it? (hope so xD)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews they are greatly apreciated :)**

Christian walked thought the square happily, he was off to meet his soon-to-be husband. As he passed the Masood's house he saw Zainab with still young but very loud Kamil, he could see Tamwar following and when their eyes met Tamwar beamed at him. Zainab, on the other hand, chose to completely ignore him.

For the last 3 years Syed had been trying to win back his parents respect, and for the last 2 Christian had been trying to help. But however hard he tried, he could not understand why Syed wanted his parents to be proud of him; they were such heartless people. They we never good to Syed anyway- he had always been chasing after their admiration, and Christian couldn't comprehend why Syed could still care.

"Christian!" Tamwar shouted, "Christian!"

He turned slowly back round to Tamwar and Zainab ready to receive evils, "Yes?"

Christian was surprised to see that Zainab just continued attending to Kamil and didn't stop her son having a conversation with 'the pervert' "Um, how are you?"

"I'm OK," Tam and Christian exchanged an equally puzzled look, "What about you?"

"I'm fine, how is _Syed?_" Tamwar stressed his elder brother's name as if to remind his mother of her son's existence.

"Sy's good, he's praying at the moment and I'm just about to go meet him then we are going to sort out some things for the, uh," Christian hesitated, _you can say it you know, she already knows it's happening so there is no point pretending otherwise, and your proud you love Syed, your proud you won._ Christian straightened up as if he was keeping his head held high, as if he was saying, 'I'm not scared of you, I can do anything' "To make plans for the wedding."

Even Kamil could feel the heat of Zainab's glare as she turned, having finished buckling the toddler into his pushchair, "Hello," she spat, "Chris-tian." She said it like it was 2 words, 2, that is, of the most disgusting words she had ever voiced.

Christian tried to stay clam as he replied, "Hi Zainab, look its wee Kamil, hey there buddy!" as he bent down to Kamil's eye level he felt a sharp blow at the side of his head, luckily he kept his balance. As he touched the top of his ear he felt the effect of the slap, all of the left side of his head throbbed like mad. He had forgotten how hard Mrs Masood could hit, as he looked up astonished she looked down on Christian like he was dirt, "Never," she growled, "Touch my child again." she swiftly started moving onwards when Kamil howled.

"CWISTAN!" All the adults stared in shock and the crying boy, how had he picked up Christian's name so fast? To be fair, when Kamil visited their flat for the first time, he and Christian had got on so well Kamil cried when Tam told him they had to leave. Still he was very young and had only met Christian a few times.  
"Come on Tamwar, we've got to be somewhere." Zainab stormed off with Kamil.

"Christian I'm so-" Tamwar began.

"Go Tam, I don't want to get another Masood boy in trouble. Your mother will probably hate Kamil forever now, she's disowned Syed and if you stand here talking to me for much longer you might be headed that way."

"But she hit you Christian." Tamwar moaned

he touched his ear again and felt a flow of warm blood, "Ow, er lok Tam don't worry it is fine, I'm fine, I just…I just wanna see Sy." Christian admitted he wasn't sure if Tamwar would ever realise how much Christian missed Syed when he was gone, even if only for a few minutes.

He would always have the fear that Syed would leave, he trusted Syed with all his heart but he knew that if someone offered Syed the chance to have his family back he might choose them. Syed was Christian's world and all one single person had to do would be to say 'Syed' and he'd feel his heart flutter then pick up its pace. Sometimes he even wondered if his mind was physically able to need anything more than Syed, even food and water. Without Syed he would be lost in a world of empty-nothingness, it would be awful and he knew he could never bear it if Syed did turn his back on him. The pain that Christian had endured in just waking up alone when Sy had crawled back to Amira was horrific and somehow somewhere along the way Christian had managed to fall ever deeper in love- if Syed left he would be crushed harder.

As soon as Tamwar caught up with his mother he rounded on her, "Mum you can't just go around hitting people, especially your soon-to-be son-in-law!"

"Tamwar, be quite you brother is trying to sleep." She snapped back.

"No he's not, he crying because he wants to go back to play with Christian." Tamwar retorted, "Syed is marring Christian and I've been invited, and I've accepted, I want to go to my brothers wedding."

"Syed will not marry that man, that _monster! _He has stolen my son from me; I refuse to allow this to go on! You will not go. Syed is not you brother he is a sick, unclean creature that is a traitor to his family and religion, he has nothing to do with us."

"Syed is just living a life of truth, is that is wrong? Mum you can't pretend you don't miss him because you do."

Zainab turned away from Tamwar looking down at Kamil, "How could I ever miss him, all he did was carry out sinful deeds." Was that her voice cracking? Was she crying? "I only have two sons now."

"Mum I know you miss him," Tamwar prepared himself, "You're not very quite you know, I've heard you crying before and I am pretty sure dad knows too."

Zainab's breath caught in surprise, she looked up a Tamwar somewhat frightened, "Masood… Mas knows I would never even speak to filth like him."

"That doesn't mean you don't want to though does it mum?" Tamwar knew he was close, finally his mother was showing she still cared for Syed, it was clear in her face but she was still trying to hide it, "Would you like to see him?"

"What?" Zainab sounded shocked; she hadn't been expecting an invitation to his home. She wanted her son back, she still loved him. But he had done so much wrong and her husband would despise her if he ever found out. But she wanted Syed back, Syed. Not _Sy, _she wanted her little boy back the boy that had plans for the future, the boy that was in love and going to be happily married with a _woman_. And Zainab had a plan of how she could do just that…

***Dun dun dunnnn* :Sxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Short Chapter... But means the world to this story.**

**WARNING: FROM HERE ON THIS STORY IS NOT FLUFFY BANTER. IT GETS DARKER FOR CHRYED. D:**

**I'm really hoping you'll like this cause I'm not to sure of my writing skills when it comes to this kind of thing xD Please review this chapter cause I need help on it :P**

He opened the door to a hugely welcome surprise, "Syed."

"M-mum?" He spluttered, "Why? Uh hello, how are you? Come in, and hi Tam,"

"Hey, we've just been talking about the wedd-" Tamwar was replying when his mother cut him off.

"Is _he _here?" Zainab asked resentfully.

"No," Syed swallowed, this wasn't quite how he hoped his reunion with his mother would go, "Christian has gone shopping."

"Is that all you two ever do?" Tamwar laughed, "Drinking coffee and going shopping is the extent to your relationship!"

Syed decided not to voice a few of the many other activities he and Christian could be expected to be found doing, "And eating chocolate,"

Although Tamwar had freely walked in to the flat his mother was having more difficulty moving beyond the door way, she clearly didn't want to be here.

"Mum, you can come in; I told you Christian is out. We are alone," Syed moved further into the flat allowing Zainab some space.

"I know what you said Syed."

He could already feel this would be a long afternoon, "I'm guessing you want to talk about the wedding."

Zainab looked up at him her face suddenly tear stained, "Syed," she whispered, "how could you do this?" Syed was distinctly reminded of his and Amira's wedding when his mother confronted him about Christian, her voice was cracking in the exact same way it had then.

"Because I love him," Syed could feel himself getting equally emotional, "and he loves me, I accept I am gay and I accept I am Muslim and I _want_ to marry him, we would both love it if you could try and accept me for who I am."

"You aren't gay Syed, he's brainwashed you!"

"I can't believe you mum! After 3 years you still think he's some sort of psycho! We are in love and it's exactly the same kind of love as a man and a woman, love is love no matter what situation. Anyway_ I_ asked him!"

"You are a good Muslim Syed; I will not let you go through with this." She breathed

"But you'd rather I married someone I would never love? Because that's what you made me do and it's what you still want. Isn't it worse to live a life of lies and denial than make people really happy? Christian was suffering and so was Amira, I couldn't continue that, even you were suffering and I certainly wasn't having a ball!"

There was a long silence in which Zainab stared Syed down, "Do not marry Christian, that's all I have to say." She began to back away.

"Mum hear Syed out." Tamwar stepped in front of the door, "Syed is still Syed, and Christian's alright too, you should see how happy they make each other. No matter what _I'm_ going to their wedding."

Syed couldn't help the joy he felt at hearing Tam stick up for him like this but Zainab took a large intake of breath trying to clam herself, "Tamwar, we're going home."

"No mum, not until you apologise to Syed. He is finally happy and you want to punish him?"

Syed decided it was time to intervene, "Tamwar stop, if mum doesn't want to come that's fine but I just want her to know that if she could try to accept me and Christian that would be great. But also that nothing could ever change the way I feel about Christian. He is my life now, and if you want me to respect you you'll have to deal with our love being just a strong as any heterosexual relationship. I love him more than I could ever love anything else."

Zainab was quite please with the way this conversation had headed, now was the perfect time to start ruining that wickedly perverted man that had done so much too her perfect son's life.

"Even, Syed, your son, you love _him _more than your son?"

**Pweaasee, pretty, pretty pweaasee tell me what you think? xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Guys I'm sorry for a lack in upload! Plus i left it on a -to be honest rather crappy- cliffhanger! So sorry I've just been really busy and i'm hoping this is going to make up for it? Dedicated to all those beautiful people that have reviewed/added to favourites/alerts I LOVE YOU ALL! Guys just one thing; with this chapter I'm looking for criticism - be as harsh as you like so long as it's actually going to help my writing :)! Hope you all had a better Christmas than poor Stacey xD **

**FOR: LESBIANNEWSREPORTER FOR THE WONDERFUL VIDEO SHE MADE ME (Plus the others but they aren't on here and wont read it so anyway xx)**

There was silence as the two boys stared at their mother in disbelief both asking the same question, _what?_

Zainab dropped her gaze from Syed to the floor after seeing the pained expression in his eyes, she felt no guilt at the thought of her son having to choose again, "Yes, you have a son, Amira is looking after him, she has had a hard time without you Syed, her father hasn't exactly been helpful to her, you know throwing her out as soon as the baby is born, leaving her with no money! You belong with her Syed, not him, not … Christian. Amira and your son need you."

Syed's head was a mess, did Amira lie about not being pregnant or was it a mistake? Either way she should have told him earlier Syed would have helped, he would do anything for his son. He had to find him, he knew how to handle kids; he'd had enough practise with Amy and surely he would be even better with his own son. They would bond, would they not? Has he been gone too long? What would he do if Amira sent him away or even ignored him? The only way to find out was to go…

But what would he say to Christian?

Things would have to change. He needed his and he'd do anything to have a real family… But he would do anything for Christian too. It wasn't that he didn't want to have kids with Christian but it would never be the same as holding his own biological son in his arms.

"How long have you known?" Syed couldn't stop the slight happiness from creeping into his voice even though his head was spinning from the flood of information, he had a son he really had a son.

"Around 2 years, she wanted to know if I was still in contact with you, I explained you ran of like the coward you are and that now I only have two sons- however she would be welcome in our household."

"Y-you've known for 2 years are you never told me?" His face flushed with anger. Amira had wanted him to help, she needed him, and is mother had kept it from him. She was so selfish. Syed resented her; if she had told him then Syed could have made the pain he would be causing Christian so much smaller.

Christian was tired, Syed's shopping list send him from one side of the shop to the other and he was shattered but at the same time scared of reaching the till, which meant paying. Everything was so expensive nowadays and with it being winter not too many people wanted a personal trainer.

Syed was going through a healthy-eating phase and Christian didn't think he would survive without sneaking in the occasional packet of jelly babies or sweets of any form. Syed had always been so sure Christian took steroids because of the amount to 'rubbish' he ate but he soon discovered this wasn't true and that Christian was just a very dedicated gym member.

"_It's addictive," he would grumble through a mouth of coco pops, "you should try the gym sometime Sy, I can think of at least on person that'd appreciate it."_

"_Oh and who might that be?" _

"_Me," Christian waggled his eyebrows suggestively, "it'd be nice to have a change of scenery in the bedroom!" he laughed at Syed's outraged face._

"_Too far Mr Clarke, too far!" suddenly he was swept of his feet, "Put me down! I don't care if your strong it doesn't give you the right to do ballet dancing with me!"_

Christian found himself laughing just at the memory.

"Hey smiley!" Someone called from behind him, he recognised that voice.

He turned, "Oh my god, James! Hi!" he was astonished, "how are you? It's been a long time."

"Sure has, I'm fine ta, you?" they embraced in a warm hug crushing each other, "Still going to the gym then I feel?"

"Haha! Yeah, I was just thinking about the gym, you still with that guy..?"

"Err, Ed? Nope, now I'm with Gilles – has to be the campest out of all us gays but he's great, how about you? Last time we met you were with…? Ah yeah. Did you ever tell that guy who you were clearly moping around over about how you felt?"

"Actually yeah," Christian's hand moved to rub the side of his head awkwardly, "I did. Now, I've got a bone to pick with you, have you moved house AND changed your number! I've been trying to call you."

"Sorry about that. Why?"

"Well for starters you _are_ my mate and secondly I wanted to invite you," Christian smiled, "to my wedding."

"Christian that's.. Wow! Congratulations! So who's the lucky man that's made the famous one-night-stand-Clarkey Settle down? I'm guessing it's the same one the depressed you for so long."

"Do you remember Syed Masood?" Christian asked innocently, he was dreading the reply, James had liked Syed but if Syed hadn't been there they could have still been together.

"Haha yeah, the one with the gay hair but was straight? Don't tell me it's his brother or something!" James laughed totally misunderstanding.

_God, James, you can be thick. You just pointed out he had _gay _hair for crying out loud! Plus, you know that Tamwar is just…NOT my type. _**(A/N NO OFFENCE TAMWAR! XD)**

"Nah, nah, not Tamwar, its Syed, I'm going to marry Syed."

James was speechless, "B-but Christian he was… he was getting married to that girl, How?"

"It's a long story," Christian sighed, "but that marriage ended in tatters."

"Christian! You can't just go around converting straight guys! He was married!"

"Hey! James you don't know the half of it, he was happy to play happy families after kissing me _first_. He came on to me, I probably wouldn't have realised I was in love with him if he hadn't-" he began to rant.

"Christian I'm joking! Don't worry, I just can't believe I didn't notice- you were different around him but I never thought- Christ Christian! Wasn't he..? He was Muslim as well!"

"He finally accepted he was gay and Muslim after going through 'therapy' to 'cure' him!"

"Oh god! Anyway, sorry Christian but I have to dash Gilles is waiting. So I'll see you around."

"Oh wait, this is my number."

Christian produced an ABSacadabra card and gave it to James, who took one looked at the picture of Christian flexing his muscles and wolf-whistled and saying, "I'll see you around Mr Muscle!"

Christian laughed, "Bye then Jambo." _Oh god, Jambo..Tambo…I'm turning into Syed! _

He headed off to the tills no longer worried about the price but happy that soon he would be returning home.

"You have known for 2 years and you never told me?"

Christian could hear Syed's voice but who was he talking to and what about?

As he peered into the room he saw the skinny figure of Tamwar the beautiful build of Syed and what seemed to be… Could it be… Zainab?

None of them noticed Christian open the door, they continued their conversation, "You knew for 2 years that Amira needed me that I had a son and you didn't tell me?"

Christian froze in the door way, had he really just heard that? Syed had a…a son? A little boy, Amira's child?

Christian knew how much Syed wanted the one thing he couldn't give him, why was it that Amira had just produced it? Always getting in the way! Why couldn't the world leave them alone, didn't Christian deserve at least a life time of happiness after the anguish he had gone through to get Syed and himself to where they were now?

Zainab had planned this, Syed would have to choose now, to stay with Christian or find his wife and son.

Christian knew Syed rather well and he knew that Syed wanted a family, he had made the choice before and he hadn't chosen Christian, he would chose his son over Christian again and they both knew it.

The question was what could Christian do to stop it?

**SORRY CHRISTIAN! Reviews welcomed :Dxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Hey guys, trying to upload a new chapter every week, i will try, it's a new years resolution! Hope i can do it from now on :) and i also hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Not done this yet so i'll do it now. ****Disclaimer:** **EASTENDERS IS OWNED BY THE BBC :)**

**WARNING: USE OF SWEARING!**

"Christian." Syed whispered noticing the frozen figure in the door way, what would he do now? He had to find his child, but he loved Christian. It wouldn't be fair to turn his back on him again, "I- Uh… Christian."

"Amira's had your kid?" He asked.

"Yeah, my son, Christian I'm so sorry…" Syed whimpered the tears were flowing again- how many times had he cried over his love for Christian and his love for his child? "I didn't want any of this to happen but... I'm sorry."

Christian threw the shopping on the table covering his face with his hands, Syed had made up his mind already, not giving a second thought to what Christian felt. Christian had no chance against the son Syed always wanted.

"Fucking hell Syed!" he groaned angrily, "You've already decided. I never was enough for you, you want your kid and it's easy for you to just run off to someone else- I can't do that. I have nowhere and no one to run to, after you there is nothing for me." Christian angrily wiped away his tears, he should have known Syed would never just settle down and stay with him, he though when he'd proposed it meant something was different, maybe they were moving on. Once they were married- both in name and mind- they would be indestructible. Yet Syed had so many weaknesses- family, religion, his wife his version of right and wrong. He would never be ideal but there had always been that wish that they could change and that someday things would be perfect between them. They could have got a puppy and move out of Walford to somewhere that no-one could ever disturbed them just far enough away that they wouldn't have to visit family too much – coming back to Walford would mean seeing the Masoods and that would put Syed down which Christian hated to see. Then they would adopt, a little girl then a boy, or the other way around, which ever Syed wanted, they would be away from Amira and all those bad memories, when the kids were older they could have told them the struggle of how their adoptive parents got together and how they should always remember to follow their heart not what the majority tell them- cause in the end it will always be worth it. It certainly was for them. Christian had dreamed and dreamed of that being true.

But this image could never be now, because Syed was going to run away from it, from Christian. Christian would be alone again in bed at night, missing the warmth of Syed, he would lie there thinking over every moment they had ever had, when they first met and Syed made a fool of himself by saying 'Muslim'. When Christian drunkenly arranged for Zainab to sing to Bushra at her party the next day, and having to hear Zainab's, um, 'singing'. Spilling chutney on eat other then discussing the feeling of jealousy of their other half being with someone else. When Syed took care of Christian after the homophobic nutter attacked him, then going to the police station and Syed waiting for hours outside showing he cared. Walking back from the café when Syed told Christian he loved him for the first time. When Jane found out and grilled Christian but he explained that Syed came onto him…From then on it was almost all bad. Oh and of course there had been the blackmail. But it really started when Christian ran away to Barbados hoping Syed would follow but ending up travelling alone. New Years Eve when Christian came back and Syed rejected him again, Syed would never know how much it hurt to see him try to convince Christian that he loved Amira. Then Christian told Zainab everything and Syed was practically forced to go though with the wedding. Then Christian was left, bruised and alone decorating the 'happy couples' flat. Amira asked him how to seduce Syed and of course Christian new all the answers to that, but the main was "you physically can't; you aren't a man." And then the writing was on the wall, covering that up killed Christian; he was protecting Syed from the truth again. And then Syed promised to make it better, well, he broke that promise didn't he? So Christian was forced to reveal the truth. Then his Sy disappeared and was replaced with a man so torn apart he thought he could 'cure' himself. But finally and eventually after that eternity of struggling, it was over, and they got together.

Now it was all going to happen again. Syed would leave, just like he used to, he used to crawl out of Christian's bed in the early hours of morning to go back to Amira, like he was doing now.

He would never hear Christian calling out his name and asking why? Because he was never there, all Christian ever wanted was for Syed to be _there, _with him, forever. But it'd never happen, Christian was still his dirty little secret and he always would be.

"Did you even give me a thought? When _she _told you?" Christian asked rapidly blinking to stop the tears from flowing- but it didn't make a difference. Syed could always make him cry.

"Of course Christian, its just.. Amira needs me," Christian bit back the obvious reply of 'what about what I need' he wasn't going to give into his need to plead with Syed. Christian felt arms try and wind their way around him but he threw them off, Syed took it knowing that it was nothing compared to what he deserved.

"Go please? Just…go." Syed started to move away from him, "no, not you Sy-..Syed."

That was it, Syed knew then there was nothing left for him with Christian anymore if he couldn't even call him Sy.

"Christian I still love you, I don't want to leave you, I'll never stop loving you, but my son… He needs me."

Christian forced himself to look up at Syed, their eyes met and Christian saw pain and truth in Syed eyes, if he thought this was hurting _him_ he had no idea what Christian was going through, Syed had something to go too. Christian had nothing, even his best-friend James was gone now. Christian gave up, he couldn't hold it in any longer, he needed Syed to stay because he couldn't bear to live without him.

"What about what I need Syed. I need you, if you hadn't worked that out by now then you're not a smart as I though," he laughed but there wasn't a trace of humour in his voice. He decided to change rout, he knew from experience that pleading never worked with Syed. "You know what Syed, I should have known this would happen- it is so predictable of _you_. I'm still your dirty little secret. Just I'm not a secret anymore, I'm more like you dirty and damaged goods. I'm old news- you have a baby with _her _now so you'll run straight to her - what if Amira doesn't need you anymore? It was 2 years ago that she called your mother; the baby isn't such a new born anymore. How has this happened Syed? A couple of days ago we had been leading a normal life, fighting over foods, working, making wedding plans and…Now you're getting ready to leave me on my own again and you're heading off to see Amira who should be a laughable memory to us. I didn't think you'd do something like this Syed- I knew I wasn't enough but I thought you'd always come back, but you can't now. Not if you're looking after a kid."

"Christian I don't want this, I don't want to hurt you, I want us to have a future but I just can't see how! My son… I love him already and I don't even know his name- but I have to get to know him! Christian I will visit you, or you could come visit.. You could come to us, me and Amira.."

"See that's just it Syed, it is you and Amira, I would hate it, she can have you but I can't? When you love me and not her? It makes no sense, she can offer you more but I can make you happy, or was that an act?"

"No Christian, never- I love you beyond your and my wildest dreams but now I know I have a son I want to be there for him I want to watch him grow up. But please don't for one second think that I don't want to be with you, grow old with you, marry you, be there for you."

"Well that's a little confusing Syed seeing as your choosing him over me. You always would choose her over me, because with her, you can have a kid of your own. With me, all you get is a dog and some ugly adopted kid, huh? Oh no, cause that's not good enough for Syyyyyyyeeeedd! He's got to have his kid in a loveless marriage full of fights, tears, hate, regret and dishonestly. I mean, what are you going to do when you find her? What if she moved on, or, scrap that, what if she discovered she was a lesbian! Heck wouldn't that be _fun._" Christian bitterly joked.

"Christian, you don't mean that."

"Yeah, Syed, I do. If you can toss me aside like a piece of god-knows-what then I can call your wife a lesbian. I can tell you your life will fail with her because it will Syed- she'll never for give you for being with me and you'll realise you made the wrong choice, but this time you wont be able to fall back on me, cause I wont be here. I don't know where I'll go or what I'll do but I'm not going to waste my life away waiting for you while you go of and play with your son. Now if your going to find her get your stuff and go." With that he began to leave, he knew that if he stayed Syed would see he was lying because Christian knew he would never be able to move on from Syed.

"Christian wait." But he had already gone, "Christian… What do I do?"

**A/N I****'m kinda ruining Christian's live here aren't i? Sorry man :/ **

**BTW I wanna hear if there are any Torchwood AND Eastenders fans our there cause I'm thinking of doing a crossover so PM me or just say so in a review (which i will love you for if you do review this *please?*) if you like the idea. It would be something based on the Torchwood radio drama "The Dead Line" but Ianto goes into a coma instead of Jack and basically CHRYED! Come into it by the fact that Christian picks up one of the phones... *DUN DUN DUUUNNN***

**~JC/OverMyShoulder**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N SORRY GUYS BUT THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A CHEERY FIC I WARN YOU NOW! I DON'T KNOW IT ENDS BUT IN MY MIND IT'S GOING SOMEWHERE (you thinking the same thing hopefully, tell me?) AND IF IT IS I'M NOT PLANNING ON ENDING IT ANY TIME SOON MEANING IT WILL PLAY OUT HOWEVER IT PLAYS OUT AS I GO ALONG AND IT COULD END IN ANY WAY SO IF YOU DON'T WANNA READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS THEN SEND ME A REQUEST AND I CAN TRY TO A HAPPY FIC FOR YOU :D BUT AT THE MOMENT... I THINK THIS IS WARNING ENOUGH. **

**And i'm uploading this now cause i was very bored and very sad after watching Children of Earth this morning...Cried my eyes out AGAIN. Dam you John Fay and Russel T. Davies (Torchwood fans will understand :P)**

**WARNING: USE OF SWEARING**

**I WANNA THANK AVENGED SEVENFOLD (yes i am thanking a band who will never read this but anyway xp) FOR THEIR SONG "LOST" & "ALMOST EASY" THEY INSPIRED THIS CHAPTER... *Go listen to them* **

4 MONTHS LATER

"JANE NO!" Christian yelled angrily down the phone, "I don't care what Roxy said, I got a new mobile for a reason; I don't wanna go clubbing…I'm not ready…Yeah well it's not my fault she's pestering you…No I will not call her…I can't stop that…Look, Jane, if she wants to get in touch with me tell her to stop cluttering my answer phone and I'll talk when I'm ready…I was tempted to…Why didn't I? Because if I had got a new landline she would have smashed down my door and rug my neck for stopping her getting in touch with me plus I couldn't be bothered with the guy…Why? Cause he made me feel week, because that would proved how much.. _He_ has gotten to me, cause getting a new number would just…" Christian sighed, he decided to let it all out, "You wanna know the real reason, sis... Because it broke my heart, _he _has made me like this, I can't go out because there is a memory on every corner. And if he made me change my land line it would be so final, he'd be gone, I'd break just a little bit more that I thought capable and I've grown to expect hurting beyond my own imagination…Jane this just isn't fair, what did I do, really? Why do I deserve this? Is it because I'm not "normal"? Cause I'm gay and proud, cause it feels like all this shit is just aimed at me, it's like there is someone that's just out to get me, I didn't do anything wrong, did I?... I don't wanna go Jane, I don't wanna leave, but what is there here for me? There is nothing, no one can make me smile, not anymore, I've not gone 10 minutes without a breakdown everyday since he left. I can't even say him name anymore because I'm broken Jane! He's gone, there's nothing that's ever going to bring him back, and I feel like I'm always loosing, nothing has ever stayed solid in my entire life no one I loved has ever been there, at least not always. Yeah maybe it was my own fault, I was a one-night-stand guy but then I fell in love, really deep too, I will never forget waking up that first morning that he left, cause that was when I realised, when I realised how much crap I was in, I new I loved him but I could try and ignore it. However that first time I woke up missing him I knew I could never love anyone in the same way…And now I don't even get the pleasure of the night before he left. Now I don't even get to sleep I physically can't do it, I'm so scared of what I'll see, I've had nightmares about him Jane, I swear to you. I get headaches and I'm sick all the time, I can't control my emotions. I'm slowly breaking, falling apart, I feel like some one is repeatedly smashing my head of a cold, lonely brick wall. And Jane…I don't look normal either, I'm so pale, I'm thin! I'm scarred … Jane I- I…I think I'm dying…"

**A/N I WARNED YOU**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N Short chapter, i actually just wrote a chapter forgetting this was on my computer so if it doesn't quite fit with the chapter after this pay attention to the details in that one not this :D**

Christian didn't try to stop the tears that flowed as fast as the water pounding at his back. Syed was gone, he had left Christian, and the in the 4 months he had been gone Christian's pain had only increased.

Christian couldn't stop his whole body from shaking from the force of his regret and sorrow… He had sent Syed away but only because he couldn't stand to be heartbroken again, what he had forgotten was the heartbreaking pain of waking up with out Syed wrapped in his arms. Sending Sy away didn't stop the pain of knowing that that was Syed choice, Christian had thought maybe if he made him leave the pain would be just a little less, he was wrong. All that left was seeing Syed's tearful and pained face as Christian made him leave as their last memory together.

When Christian was feeling really down and spiteful he was able to laugh at the situation; Syed had run away from the man he loved to follow his homophobic wife and to lie to his son. Syed would hate it, _serves him right, _Christian thought. But however much Syed loathed the situation it still wouldn't be enough to make him come **home**.

Christian was going to the hospital today, yesterday Jane came round and saw him for the first time since Syed left, she was shocked she backed away tears streaming down her face as she gasped her head shaking furiously. That was when Christian lost all ability to feel. Slowly, ever so slowly he'd been fading, wasting away and when he saw Jane. He just…Died inside.

Every inch of him crippled with the force of his pain and he blanked out, collapsing in a heap. He quickly came round and Jane forced him to eat something quickly discovering he just threw it back up. She had watched feeling so helpless as her, over-confidence, cocky brother retched everything inside him into the sink crying harder than ever. Jane wanted them to go to the hospital there and then but Christian forced her into allowing him time to rest and recover as much as possible before the next day where they found out what was really wrong with Christian Clarke….

**A/N KABAM! WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? Well your just have to review then read the next chapter wont you ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N OK. GUYS. I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU! Naw not really I'm just wondering if anyone is still reading or have a ruined Christian's life too much? Please tell me if your still there? :P **

26 WEEKS LATER 

**(A/N I WILL EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENS IN ALL THESE MISSING MONTHS BUT I'M DOING IT THROUGHT FLASHBACKS LATER ON :])**

"Oh Christian." Jane cried as the door opened and her brother's flat was revealed. It hurt her to see Christian like this; weak, tired, depressed and desperately ill.

She gasped as she took in her surroundings, she hadn't visited in a few days but she'd kept an eye on the flat, nothing could prepare her for what she saw.

Everything was…Gone. No pictures, no rugs, no tables, no mugs, no cups, no clothes, heck, he'd even got arid of the bed! There was nothing to suggest that anyone lived here except a solitary and lonely chair by the window. The chair held no warmth, it simply looked like it had been forgotten while he who owned it moved on. Much like Christian.

Someone had moved out but there was a feeling above that, although someone had moved that was buried…This feeling was stronger…More painful, it was like someone had… Died.

Jane immediately knew that it was Christian, in truth he had been dying for months and they had realised it all too late, but slowly Jane had felt him fading away, gradually drifting further and further out of his own life. It was exactly like when their grandfather died, Jane had watched him slowly slip into a state of mindlessness where he needed several others simply to move him. She could see such a strong resemblance between her grandfather and Christian as her younger brother lowered himself into the chair. She watched as his head lolled slowly onto his shoulder and his mouth fell slightly open and he stared through the dusty blinds separating the inside of the flat from the outside world.

It was a warm summer's day but the flat was frozen in time, nothing had changed about the atmosphere since Syed left, the only thing that changed was everything that made Christian who he was had been taken. All his belongings were gone, along with the only thing he truly wanted. For weeks now Jane had seen no emotion shown on Christians face, not even pain, she guessed he was so damaged that now nothing could faze him.

As a young girl Jane had shied away from her grand father scared of his deathly pale face, hollowed eyes and skinny frame. Of course now she wished she'd spent more time with him- weather he well or ill- and every memory she had she cherished. She'd promised herself afterwards if any of her family every fell ill again she would comfort them and be there as often as she could. However as Jane watched Christian's unseeing eyes and saw the resemblances she found herself wanting to be anywhere else. Her brother was ill, like her grandfather, and looked as bad- if not worse- than her grandfather. The doctors said Christian had a good few months more in him until he… Passed. Or that was what they had to be prepared for, luckily Christian wasn't terminally ill, however this treatment was yet to work and his meds did nothing to help his aching heart.

Jane felt, along with Lucy, that there was only one thing that could cure Christian, one thing that could make him smile for one _last_ time, just once before…Because deep down both women knew that even if the one thing Christian desired so much he was on the brink of death came back, even that might not be able to save Christian.

There was one thing that might make him happy, one man, and he was never coming back. The two women still loathed Syed but if he might allow Christian to feel something again before he… they were wiling to put their distaste aside.

The square had given up trying to save him but they _had_ all tried, even Phil Mitchell! Apparently the square had a soft spot for the cute, bubbly gay man who used to make 'em laugh with his inappropriate comments. But soon enough they had all lost hope; Christian had stopped speaking, he'd even stopped crying every time a reminder of his past-lover cropped up, weather it was a 'he was mental to leave you' or just a mention of anything that could relate to catering or a masseur it had always ended in a stream of tears and screaming and his own bloody stupidity. Now he couldn't bring himself to feel enough to make him cry. But toward the end of the fight to keep Christian's hopes up many of the square had been forced to say their goodbyes for one last time. They felt useless; they could do nothing to save him. Not one of them ever thought they would see the day Christian Clarke smiled again.

Could they ever have been more wrong?

**A/N Heeeyyy so now its your turn, i wrote it, you gotta review it or else i'll be forced to think you all hate me :( But hey, Christians life is looking slightly better... If you squint :P Any thoughts of how you want the story to go? If you got some please tell me, i haven't decided how it will progress yet so i'm open to ideas. I have a few of my own so i know what i'll do if you don't have any xD But to be honest it can go anywhere from here!**

**+Ellie8902 and ****JoChryedLover THANK YOU FOR REPLYING ABOUT THE WHOLE TORCHWOOD CROSSOVER QUESTION- I WILL LOVE YOU TWO FOREVER!**

**And i have a horrible feeling i've forgotten to thanks someone... So...THANK YOU! AND I'M SORRY FOR FORGETTING - I have a lot going on *blush***

**~JC/ OverMyShoulder xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Heya, i've been in the mood for updating recently rather than leaving moths between updates like i was doing :P! This is again dedicated to LesbianNewsReporter for being so awesome and for allowing us to have an A7X song for our drama project!**

**BTW: AMIRA IS...VERY OOC HERE OK? BASICALLY IN THE 3 YEARS SYED WAS WITH CHRISTIAN SHE CHANGED... A LOT... In a way i own her as a character in this... Cause this is NOT how the BBC wrote her... Gah well, just remember that i want her to be totally different from the love-sick Amira in EastEnders in this she is a bitter-Christian-and-partly-Syed-hater (you all have the right to hate her for this-i do *.*)**

"Amira no!" Syed yelled down the line, "You said I could have today to do what I liked! You're never around to look after our son so I think it is fair I get some time to myself as well!"

"Syed, what's happened? I thought you said you wanted to spend time with your son and that's why you _tracked _me down. You should be running round here- to your home with your loving son and wife. Not like you've got anywhere else to go." She smirked, "No Syed, there is no one to have a quickie with here, only me and I am certainly not yours to shag-and-go."

"That is not what he was! I _loved _him, still do an-"

"And always will do, I know, you said. Thing is _he_ wont, he promised you that, he will not love you forever because you left him and he told you, _promised you, _that he wouldn't mope around waiting for you if you left. And Christian, unlike you, never breaks his promises."

"How did you know he said that?" Syed gulped.

"Oh, your mother told me a few weeks back, I said I was having a hard time dealing with you and she gave me a few details I can use against you."

"WHAT? YOU SPOKE TO HER?" Syed was hurt; his family had moved and eliminated any contact with him or Amira, even Tamwar. However Tam felt betrayed by Syed in a different way to his parents, he was ashamed that his older brother had hurt something he had fought so hard for due to their mother being a manipulative so-and-so.

"Yeah Zaniab calls every so often, she somehow manages to actually _care _about you. I think she just wants to keep tabs on you, in fact I'm pretty sure she'd like to meet up with us."

"NO WAY! She ruined me, made me leave Christi-" Syed sighed, he couldn't even say his name anymore, "she made me leave him. I miss him and she doesn't care! She is just glad that now she can say I'm 'straight' cause I'm living with my wife and son. And if she wanted to meet it'd be her own fault we couldn't – she stopped the contact- if she hadn't then maybe she might be able to say she had a straight son and a grand kid but she can't because now I NEVER want to see her again."

"Its not her fault! You left him Syed! I think your forgetting that this is ALL YOUR FAULT! But moving on, you can deal with your son tonight because I'm going out with Marc, who I am very happy with, and who I_ love _and he _loves _me back and we are in a _proper relationship. _Unlike you and I ever were. Unlike you have ever been! You are tainted by sin, you ruin everything you touch!"

"So why do you always leave me to deal with our son, your always out with _Marc, _Mr Oh-So-Perfect who is probably using you!"

"Marc IS perfect and I'm sure that soon I will be Marc's fiancé, maybe even by the end of tonight, if I come home that is."

"Just quit it Amira, I don't care about Marc, I care about my son, I'll be at our flat soon."

"Where are you?"

"Libray. Wont be long"

"What you doing there?"

"Chatting up Derek the library assistant, what do you think?"

"Christian rubbed of on you; you lure men home like as often as an alcoholic drinks. I wouldn't be surprised!"

"I have never brought a man home and you know it, you've always got Marc round however."

"Yeah well you'd better get out of there and round here now. Goodbye…Sy." Amira grinned knowing the pain she would be inflicting with that remark.

Amira was beautiful, funny, happy and a good enough mother. But above all, she was her father daughter.

**A/N Guys, i want you to come up with some names for the wee boy (Syed's son) felt like you guys should have a say XD**

**She her fathers daughter cause he was a cruel b**t**d and she is being a cruel b***h :D Happy? Please don't be offended by my swearing, i used stars! **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N OKAY GUYS. Sorry i've been rubbish and not updated breaking my rule of every week uploading! - i think anyway.**

**I hope your happy with this chapter as i'm not too sure about it myself. I've been chopping and changing it for a few days now and i finally got it typed up but i'm still not 100% sure of it. Tell me what you think and keep it coming with the reviews and BABY NAMES! :D**

**WARNING: JAMES IS OCC AND I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIS BACKGROUND WITH CHRISTIAN SO I MADE IT UP :D + i realise there is a mistake in this as in the last chapter i had Syed unable to say Christian's name cause it hurt to much, meh, forget i did that :P**

"Hey there little man!" Syed cried as he was knocked over by his sons welcoming embrace. As he stroked the soft black hair he felt warm inside and he unconsciously relaxed knowing that the pain caused was worth it; he had made the right choice for once.

"There is juice in the cupboard." Amira stormed past aiming for the door but Syed caught her wrist just before she could get there, as usual she flinched at his touch.

"Don't you dare treat me like that, I gave up everything to come here and help you support our son so he could have a good life with everything he needs. Including a strong mother and a strong father to help him along the way! Don't throw his life out the window cause I'm gay and love Christian!"

"What's gaaaayyy!" The little boy squeaked excited by the word.

"When a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman."

Although his wife's bitter addition was to be expected Syed couldn't stop the gasp that escaped his lips, "Amira! There was no need for that, he's only a child he shouldn't be hearing words like that; we can talk to him about hell when he's older."

"Huh! He's heard worse Syed! Like the C-word which you continuously say."

"WHAT?Inever swear! Especially not… You know… That word."

"Syed you said it just a moment ago!"

"Amira, I swear I didn't. We're talking about the same thing here right?" Syed moved to cover his son's ears as he spelt out the word to Amira, "C-U…"

"God no Syed! This is much worse."

"What word?" he was truly confused now.

"My God, Syed, you can be really stupid. Christian. _That _is the C-word." She spat sneering. "Disgusting word, isn't it? I'm going to see Marc, my amazing and beautiful, _trustworthy _and _loyal_ boyfriend." and with that she stormed from the flat leaving a gob-smacked Syed and a child screaming for attention.

"James we need you… I know what you said, yes you want to remember him as Clarkey the man you knew but its things just like that we need; reminders of who he is, old friends who he can trust."

"That's just it he can't trust me. The day I came over, I think it was a week after Syed left him, I had been planning to…To tell Christian I was still in love with him, I knew he would never chose me over Syed but I still wanted to try. However Syed wasn't there and Christian was so broken I wasn't going to ask him to forget Syed and come with me, I could tell he was going to cling onto Syed and wait to see…See if he ever came back which we all know he won't and _that_ Jane is why I can't face him, because I can't help him and it hurts me. I'm being selfish but if I were there it wouldn't make any difference. Christian needs Syed: not me." James replied.

He knew he should tell Jane but didn't know how to let her know that there was more to Christian's illness than met the eye.

"But Lucy and i… We can't cope, everyone has given up, Ian is, well, being Ian. Peter is too scared to see Christian and the square has practically bought the coffin!"

"I'm sorry Jane but I'm not coming back…Jane? There's something you've got to know and I should have told you earlier but I was scared I'd get in trouble, if not by the doctors by Christian when he woke up. He's sworn me to secrecy about this but I'm desperate to help him and this might."

"How about leaving Scotland? He'd benefit most from having friends around!"

"Jane I can't! I'd hurt him!" James sighed down the phone, he hated this running but he'd been doing all his life and he didn't plan on stopping now. The only time he'd been grounded was with Christian, they'd been inseparable but not anymore, Christian rejected him and that hurt. It hurt a lot. "Jane I'm not coming down. I think I'll stay up here for a while. Edinburgh is friendly and there's a vibe at the moment cause of Burns and all that, I'm not having fun but being somewhere I don't know is helping slightly. I just wish I wasn't having to … Well whatever... Jane? Um… Remember not that long after Syed left a few months' tops? Christian disappeared and I told you he was with me? He wasn't, I lied because I know Christian and I knew he'd want some space. I don't know where he went but I found him in a bar, I hadn't even been looking for him but I found him, he looked awful and it broke my heart. I told him that I was taking him home and he tried to fight with me but he couldn't, he could barely move his arms and soon enough he'd collapsed giving into tears. I let him; eventually he calmed a bit and let me look after him for a few days so in a way he did stay with me. However one morning I woke and he wasn't there he hadn't taken any of his stuff so I presumed he'd be back but I wasn't sure, I found the lap top on his bed- he's not the slyest guy I've ever met. In the history I found he'd been talking with this guy, someone who I think he knew from before that day. This guy was promising that he would wait for something and as soon as he knew Christian would, when he came back I asked him he said 'there will be nothing for a while except silence, he promised me that much, then it will come and I'll know, until then we wait, we're all waiting really, but until it comes we feel nothing.' It was weird Jane, Christian's not like that. I think this guy's been drugging him, don't know what with, probably cheep crap cause it has made Christian what he's like now. It's killing him."

"What was the man's name James? Tell me quickly!" Jane screeched, glad to finally be able to say something.

"Um… Marc! His name was Marc."

**A/N So who saw the connection of Marc coming? Is Marc really Amira's "trustworthy and loyal boyfriend" or is he helping/luring Christian into numbness? Tell me what you think in those beautiful reviews and i'll post faster! xx**

**PS Sorry for making James so different to how he is in the show but i missed everything about him so blame timelines!**


	14. Sort of authors not but has plot in it!

**AUTHORS NOTE- SORT OF**

Christian sat by the window as usual feeling alone and wishing he had the effort to find a duster and clear the window of the thick stick layer of gunk that had settle there over the last few months. Slowly his brain began to move again. He wondered if someone could answer all his questions.

_Was anyone actually reading this? _Wondered Christian, _I mean, should OverMyShoulder continue? Or is this going nowhere? She knows she hasn't been the best for updating but she tried and then felt the response had died, was this true? Or her wicked imagination playing tricks on her? _Christian found the only way he could be answered was through one of those brilliant reviews.

**Tried to make this a more interesting kind of A/N… but to me it just looks retarded xD**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N Sorry this took so long, thank you so much for everyone sticking with me this is dedicated to you call but a meantion to Mighty-Kites for such a brilliant and imaginative review!**

**This one s longer that the others i think, please reivew! Thank you!**

* * *

**VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE**

**The drug Phycozonol does not exist (but there is a Ozonol but I think that's for dogs.. O.o) and all the injuries/diseases things in this were made up for the purpose of this story, they may well exist but not from what i know, anyone who knows about science stuff sorry i don't so i made it up! I do repeat this in the story where ****appropriate.**

* * *

_CHRISTIAN'S FLAT_

"…And I told Ian I was not staying with him, I mean, I've had it up to here with him, Christian…The wedding! He's forcing me to spend time with him by using Greg and Tanya's wedding, even I didn't think that Ian would stoop so low… Doesn't he understand that he's gone too far too many times?… Christian I need to talk to you…something James said… told me that you…said his name was Marc-… I just want to know if maybe he gave you-…. Christian please just talk to us so we can understa-…" Christian drifted in and out of painful consciousness grasping phrases and sentence of what Jane said he desperately wanting to respond but was unable to move his lips before he zoned out completely.

_WALFORD HOSPITAL_

He felt two warm hands steady his head and he opened his eyes blinking rapidly to wake himself. He saw nothing, things were fuzzy and dark but he could make out the shape of a face in front of him, presumably the owner of the hands holding his head, but it was too blurred and shaded to make out who it was… Marc had said the drugs would have side effects but he never mentioned anything this serious or, to be honest, anything_ like_ this. Marc had promised little more than severe dizziness and possibly a migraine not blindness or being paralyzed and in agony, recently Christian had been wondering if Syed was worth this horror.

Suddenly Jane was talking, "What's happened?"

A new voice this time, older, wiser, "I believe he's taken a turn for the worse, we're going to have to keep him in permanently I'm sorry to say I've never seen anything like it but the results from the scan are coming back now, I can tell you that whatever is in his system has only been there for a few hours."

Then Jane again but worried, verging on panic, it hurt Christian to hear her like this but it was the only way he'd get Syed back, "But he's been like this for months, slowly getting worse and worse! We came here, they said it was something wrong with his blood cells- they'd been infected and this was causing problems for his body, they gave us medication, he's been on it for months! We've been paying for drugs that do nothing and now you're saying he was already on something!" **(A/N... No idea if that can actually happen but imagine it does...)**

"Well I can't be sure till the results are back but it looks as though he's been taking for quite some time."

"But he's not been on anything he's been with us the whole-"

A loud bleep interrupted Jane's speech: "The scan is back… Ahh…Yes, yes, right… It appears that Mr Clarke has been taking a form of Phycozonol or more commonly Cozonol, it's a drug that slows down the body's reactions and numbs the senses; it almost transfers the body into a living coma- thing is the side-effect should never be as dramatic as this I think that it was due to Mr Clarke being on our prescribed drugs at the same time that caused such vicious results. The addition of our prescribed drugs has resulted in Mr Clarke's body going into complete shut down and it will not be surprising if within the next hour he's in a coma. I do not know why this was not picked up on when you first came to see us and I will investigate into that." **(A/N The drug is made us and so are it's effects and everything about it)**

"But-bu..But Christian's not been taking any drugs, someone has been with him all the time, he's not moved a muscle without help for months! The only things going in or out of his body have been given to him by myself and my family!"

"How Mr Clarke came to purchase these drugs is unknown to me, I only know what the result will be, sorry."

"What _will_ the result be? What's going to happen to Christian?"

"As I said, he's very likely to be falling into a coma as we speak, we'll take him up to the intensive care unit and find him a bed where we can investigate further. I'm sorry to say it's not looking good."

"Will he wake up?"

"We can try to stop him from slipping away; at the moment it appears he is merely unconscious but we cannot answer that question at such an early stage."

_WALFORD (OUTSIDE CHRISTIAN'S FLAT- MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT) _**(A/N If there is any confusion about this section send me a private message or review :D)**

He glanced quickly around then ran into the flat using his key and quietly shut the door. He crept upstairs silently keeping all the lights off, looking around he noticed that Christian's old bed (now Jane's) was empty, he cursed out loud; she must be up so he'd have to be quick. Stealthily he moved to Christian's new bed which was much sturdier than his old one.

Marc thought it was ridiculous all the new things they'd bought him for his 'condition' and all the panic- the drugs Marc was giving him only numbed his body, why were they making such a big fuss? Marc was helping him forget about Syed until Marc could worm his way into Amira's life enough to spy on her husband and persuade him to go to Christian again- this was all for Christian's benefit! They were acting like he was dying!

Marc began to worry when he saw Christian wasn't in bed either; he knew he probably should have been asking Christian if he'd been having any side-effects but because Christian didn't want anyone knowing he was taking drugs Marc was having to come in during the middle of the night while Christian slept and he couldn't wake him for fear of Jane waking too. Marc just hoped Christian wasn't in hospital, despite what it'd look like, Marc under no circumstances wanted to see Christian hurt. And if Christian was on drugs other than the ones Marc was supplying he didn't know what would happen… God he hoped Christian was alright.

**A/N Quite a random ending i know but bear with me. **

**For anyone who didn't pick this up, Marc does not know that Jane has been to the hospital with Christian or that Christian is on prescribed drugs if Marc did know this he would have stopped drugging Christain :)**

**Review please, I always reply to the ones I can :]xxx**


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